Since I am being supes honest with you readers, I am going
to admit to something else I am not good at. And this one may come as a
surprise to some of you…well, probably none of you.
When I say, “I am so good at playing kickball,” I am lying.
If I claim to ever be good at any sports that involve a ball, I am lying.
“My Plastic Surgeon doesn’t want me doing any activities
where balls fly at my nose.”
“Well there goes your social life.”
Just like most kiddos, my kickball experience started young.
We played in gym class and at recess (between friendship bracelet sales and
sticker trading) and I often took my usual spot in the outfield. FYI, that is
where you go when you don’t really want to play, but have major FOMO if you don’t
participate. If you know what I looked
like between the ages of 8-12, you will understand why I was never that into
the game. Let’s just say, I wasn’t athletic.
Anyways, in the spring of 2007, my 3 friends and I were
looking to branch out and meet new people. Obviously we were looking for
something that involved booze and boys, and joining a kickball league seemed to
fit both requirements quite nicely. We joined a team called “Totally Awesome”
and played OTP after work on Thursdays, followed by boozing at American Pie, a
bar with Christmas lights, Palm Trees and Karaoke. My type of establishment. Needless
to say, we made friends and the playoffs. Success.
By the 2009/2010 we had all moved ITP and had enough friends
for our own kickball team….barely. Being that we had some boys on our team, we
thought we were due for a good season. We realized quickly that their athletic
ability was highly questionable…that is if they even showed up for the games.
Regardless, we formed a team called Red Balls and Vodka (RBV) and started
boozing before/during the game, rather than after. This made for some great
laughs, some not-so-great plays, and some not so happy refs. I believe we won 5
games between the 2 seasons.
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| Red Balls and Vodka Costume Contest |
I think I joined another kickball league with the Jens somewhere in there – maybe in 2008? I attended 2 games and got some cool knee-socks. That’s about all I remember about that.
Back on track…When I moved to Chicago, I thought my kickball
days were over. But sadly luckily, my friends here wanted to play on a
league, and due to the FOMO, I accepted. And so began the team “Balls Deep.”
One thing to note here: Balls Deep is serious. Sure, we would have some drinks
during the games, but there are guys on our team who are actually athletic. There were girls on our team who were actually athletic. And
more than that, everyone was actually competitive. Needless to say, no one seemed
to complain when I would sit an inning out because I didn’t necessarily add
much to the team.
 |
| Proof at my stellar athletic skills. See the ball? See my lack of forward motion? |
Although I never was very instrumental to the games, there
were the few times I made some game-changing catches (no one was more surprised
than me), but most of the time, I was making memories. If I were creating a
highlight reel, here are some scenes that would make the cut:
- Kate missing the game-winning catch during the “Totally Awesome” playoffs due to excessive margarita intake, and seeing the disappointment in our new friends’ faces while we laughed hysterically.
- Drinking gross bloodys and Jell-O shots to give you some liquid athleticism.
- Hoger falling down the hill on the way to pee, breaking her tailbone, and letting it all go.
- Drawing the design for the Balls Deep t-shirts and the big debate – hair or no hair?
- At-bat songs and team warm ups.
- Having crushes on “the blue team” and playing them in Flip Cup until we blacked out.
- Dressing up as Hot Dogs, only to come in second in the costume contest to the Prom Team.
- Mike’s wicked curve ball and 3rd base coaching….and of course his frustration if he couldn’t strike out the other team.
- Watching the “Save a Horse” guys doing their choreographed karaoke at American Pie.
- Threatening Kate, Maggie and Josh that the game is starting without them….all while sitting at the bar with Jen Zei 20 minutes late for the game myself.
- Waking up on Sunday mornings and playing a game still drunk.
You can tell from the above descriptions that there is a lot
of alcohol intake during these games, so those are all the memories I can think
of for now. But if you have any other gems that I am forgetting, leave a
comment below!
LOL-ing in my office right now. Can you imagine if we actually had taken salsa lessons like I suggested? And do you remember that night Maggie and I walked home from American Pie probably as the result of some retarded drama? And that day we got the Slush Puppys and took the picture with that turtle?
ReplyDeleteLove this. We have learned so many lessons over the years. A) Two pitchers of margaritas from El Azteca can cause severely impaired judgement when playing kickball. I mean what do they put in those things, gasoline? B) Hot dog costumes have a variety of functional purposes - Not only can you can play kickball in them, but they are "forgiving" to our girlish figures as we pound cheap drinks and eat bar food. More importantly, you can also wear them to Braves games, bars, and Mexico. C) I believe we realized this year that any game you missed we won. Perhaps you should consider joining the team again in the Spring and just not showing up. You might contribute more that way. (Kind of like when Schmelt sitting in the bathroom is a good luck token for the Bears.) D) The weird, gangly Chicago league ref with the limp monitors our stats. He once told me that he'd been watching Mike for years, and that he was really coming into his own on his fierce curve ball pitch.
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