Get out of my dreams, Get into my car.

Y’all, I am a mess.

First of all, I just started a sentence with y’all. Not sure what happened there. But really, I feel like the last month of my life I has been a bit of a disaster.

The next few posts will help to illustrate this point, starting with my key fiasco.

My last day “in the office” was the annual MaxPoint holiday party on 12/18, although we were barely in the office. The party starts with Bloody’s in the office at 9am, followed by bowling, bar hopping, and ultimately a fancy dinner until 10pm. We went to Gibson’s, where I naturally ordered Steak Tartare and Lobster Salad, because what else would you order after a 12-hour booze binge? Nothing says “drunk food” like raw meat.

Text convo between Chad and Jersey
from when I lost my keys

Stumbling home that night, I realized that my keys had not made it home with me. Not only was I locked out of the house, but I lost the only set of keys that I owned to the Rogue. Chad was out of town that night, but feeling panicked (and drunk), I called him and begged him to come back and let me in. Luckily, I have whored my condo out to enough friends that my keys are scattered around Chicago. After waking up my old roommate, Jersey, I flagged down a cab to her house and grabbed the spare keys. 

The next day, the keys were still nowhere to be found, so I had to figure out how to get a new set of car keys.

“You don’t have a spare set of keys?” asked Chad.

“No, I lost those in a drunken night in Atlanta, shortly after getting my new car.”

I called up the car dealership to find out how to get a new set of keys, where they asked me, “You don’t have a spare set of keys?” If I did, would we be having this conversation?

For those of you that don’t know, for a car with a key-less start pre-fab, you actually need to reprogram the entire car to get new keys. So somehow, I had to get the car to the dealership, which is kind of tough to do without keys. I called my insurance company for some roadside assistance to get the car towed. “You don’t have a spare set of keys?” Um, no. I don't. 

When the tow company showed up, they first asked me to get into my car, put it in neutral, and help guide it up the ramp. “You don’t have a spare set of keys?”

YOU GUYS – I know I am a blonde, but trust me, if I had another set of keys, I would not be dealing with this right now.

So the Rogue gets towed to the dealer, and $500 later, I had a shiny new set of keys. AND a set of spare keys, good God.

This was definitely one of my more expensive drunken mistakes, but I don’t think losing 2 sets of keys in 5 years is that bad. The Rogue deserved something new this Christmas, plus they gave me 10% off for singing a Christmas carol to the cashier.

In typing in this, I am waiting for my flight to leave and enjoying an Argo Tea (caffeine-free, obvs, because it is afternoon and otherwise I will get the shakes). When I bought the tea, I almost grabbed some napkins, and then I thought “it’s tea – I don’t need napkins.” Well, I just spilled the tea all over the seat next to me. My left hand and leggings are now serving as a napkin. Whoops.  

Haaaaaave you met Will?

You know those ice breaker games that you pretend to hate, but you secretly stay up at night thinking about what your perfect answers would be? You know – questions like: If you could have any job in the world, what would it be? What are 5 things you can’t live without? If you were stranded on a desert island…you get the point. One question that sometimes comes up is “If you could have one super power, what would it be?” While I have recently decided to broaden my knowledge of super powers, I can say that my answer to this one is always pretty generic. My super power would be Flying, so I could visit my friends in other cities, see the world, blah blah blah. But today, I was thinking about it, and I change my answer.

If I could have one super power, I would like some Will Power. Now, I know that all you physically-fit and budget-conscience readers out there are thinking that this is not an actual “power” and that I didn’t understand the question. Will Power is something you are born with! Not so, or at least not this girl. Let’s look at some recent examples:

• When I woke up this morning, I decided that for breakfast I was going to have egg whites with tomatoes. I actually had a sugary coffee drink and an egg wrap with cheese and some sort of "artichoke spread." For those of you that don't know, "spread" is code for "creamy calories." So my wrap had "artichoke creamy calories" spread all over it. 
• I decided last week I was giving up caffeine. Please see above for recent coffee intake.
• For lunch I scheduled a salad sans dressing – Instead, I just finished a mayo-filled chicken salad sandwich and a delicious oatmeal and chocolate chip cookie.
• I hit snooze on my alarm from 5:20am until 7:20am and missed working out this morning. I also did that yesterday, the day before, last week, last month, and 98% of last year.
• I purchased 2 new pairs of shoes about 10 minutes after posting the facebook status, “Must. Stop. Buying. Shoes.” Those were 2 of 7 pairs of shoes I bought last week.

You get the point. I just was not born with any Will Power. So I guess until someone finds a way to package that up and sell it online with free shipping/free returns, I will just continue on my internal struggle with ol’ WP. And maybe, one day, I will Just. Say. No.