Get out of my dreams, Get into my car.

Y’all, I am a mess.

First of all, I just started a sentence with y’all. Not sure what happened there. But really, I feel like the last month of my life I has been a bit of a disaster.

The next few posts will help to illustrate this point, starting with my key fiasco.

My last day “in the office” was the annual MaxPoint holiday party on 12/18, although we were barely in the office. The party starts with Bloody’s in the office at 9am, followed by bowling, bar hopping, and ultimately a fancy dinner until 10pm. We went to Gibson’s, where I naturally ordered Steak Tartare and Lobster Salad, because what else would you order after a 12-hour booze binge? Nothing says “drunk food” like raw meat.

Text convo between Chad and Jersey
from when I lost my keys

Stumbling home that night, I realized that my keys had not made it home with me. Not only was I locked out of the house, but I lost the only set of keys that I owned to the Rogue. Chad was out of town that night, but feeling panicked (and drunk), I called him and begged him to come back and let me in. Luckily, I have whored my condo out to enough friends that my keys are scattered around Chicago. After waking up my old roommate, Jersey, I flagged down a cab to her house and grabbed the spare keys. 

The next day, the keys were still nowhere to be found, so I had to figure out how to get a new set of car keys.

“You don’t have a spare set of keys?” asked Chad.

“No, I lost those in a drunken night in Atlanta, shortly after getting my new car.”

I called up the car dealership to find out how to get a new set of keys, where they asked me, “You don’t have a spare set of keys?” If I did, would we be having this conversation?

For those of you that don’t know, for a car with a key-less start pre-fab, you actually need to reprogram the entire car to get new keys. So somehow, I had to get the car to the dealership, which is kind of tough to do without keys. I called my insurance company for some roadside assistance to get the car towed. “You don’t have a spare set of keys?” Um, no. I don't. 

When the tow company showed up, they first asked me to get into my car, put it in neutral, and help guide it up the ramp. “You don’t have a spare set of keys?”

YOU GUYS – I know I am a blonde, but trust me, if I had another set of keys, I would not be dealing with this right now.

So the Rogue gets towed to the dealer, and $500 later, I had a shiny new set of keys. AND a set of spare keys, good God.

This was definitely one of my more expensive drunken mistakes, but I don’t think losing 2 sets of keys in 5 years is that bad. The Rogue deserved something new this Christmas, plus they gave me 10% off for singing a Christmas carol to the cashier.

In typing in this, I am waiting for my flight to leave and enjoying an Argo Tea (caffeine-free, obvs, because it is afternoon and otherwise I will get the shakes). When I bought the tea, I almost grabbed some napkins, and then I thought “it’s tea – I don’t need napkins.” Well, I just spilled the tea all over the seat next to me. My left hand and leggings are now serving as a napkin. Whoops.